The Social Life of a 5 Year Old

At dinner tonight, we were treated to a long explanation of the kind of social interactions kindergarteners engage in. It was very enlightening, to say the least. I wish I had it on tape, because it was hilarious. Sadly, I can only paraphrase here.

You see, Lily is friends with everyone in her class, except for Joey. Joey told Lily that he didn't like her, because there was a puzzle everyone was doing and he wanted to do it. Also, did you know that Joey doesn't even like girls? He only likes boys. But the boys all think that Joey really does like girls, so when he tells them not to like girls, they just ignore him.

The good thing is that Lily's friend Alex helped her tell the teacher what Joey said, and Joey got a yellow flag. That's bad. If you're at the top of the yellow flag, you can make it back up to green, which is good. If you're at the bottom and you keep being bad, you can get to red. You know what happens if you get to red? They call the principal and you get a letter sent home to your parents and they might even make you go home! Lily wasn't sure because so far no one has gotten the red flag in her class. Lily has only gotten one yellow flag and all the rest were green because she's good at school.

Her boyfriend is Matthew. Actually she has two boyfriends, Matthew and Patrick from her old school. Actually, she has three boyfriends, Matthew, Patrick and Kevin in the third grade. Those are her boyfriends. Alex doesn't have a boyfriend right now, but tomorrow, she's going to try out Nicholas L. She already tried out Luke and Hooper and Nicholas T. but none of them wanted her, so she's just going to have to keep trying out new ones until she finds her boyfriend. She doesn't even know who her boyfriend will be yet! You get a boyfriend when you ask a boy if he wants to be your boyfriend and he says yes. Boys can ask you to be their girlfriend, too. Four different boys asked Lily to be their girlfriend, but she told them all "I already have 3 boyfriends! I can't have any more!" Matthew's other girlfriend is his sister, Ella.

On the playground, she likes to chase Kevin. If you see girls in a group, Kevin is probably with them! That's when Lily says "Kevin is in trouble!" That doesn't mean Kevin did something wrong, it just means that something bad is going to happen from those girls. Kevin has a friend named Colin and he always steals Lily's hat and calls her "chicken." She doesn't know why he calls her that. He calls Sydney, Alex, Savannah and Lily chickens. The other girls chase him, but Lily tells them to stop. Even though she tells them to stop, Colin takes her hat and calls her a chicken, too! Who knows why he does that?