Sunday, July 13, 2008

Just a Funny Story

I finally located my camera, Lily's birthday party is finally over, and my parents will be leaving this afternoon. Therefore, in theory, I should have time to take pictures and post a couple of things I have saved in the draft stage right now. I will be posting the gargantuan sleeve, I promise.

In the meantime, I thought I would tell a funny story from my commuting days. It popped into my head recently because of a funny blog I've been reading called (The Customer is) Not Always Right. Check it out. It gives me a belly laugh every day, so it's good for the soul.

Anyway, a lot of the posts on Not Always Right are conversations with some really odd or dysfunctional people. That reminded me of someone I ran into when I was commuting into Boston for work. He fell clearly into the category of odd. So here it is.

Is That Custom?

When I was working in Boston, I had two ways of getting into work. Sometimes I drove into a nearby T station, parked for $3.00 and took the T into the city. Sometimes I took the bus, which stopped at the end of my street) to the T station and took the T into the city. On this particular day, I decided to take the bus.

As soon as I got on the bus, someone said "Hey! How are you?" I didn't think it was meant for me because there was no one on the bus that I knew. I sat down in the seat right behind the bus driver. Across the aisle from me was a gentleman in his 30s. He had a neat crewcut hair style, and was dressed in jeans, a pink dress shirt and a green tweed blazer. The combination was a little strange, but he looked relatively normal... or so I thought.

At the next stop, he said "Hey! How are you?" to every person that got on the bus. It was like he was the official bus greeter. Like me, no one acknowledged him, probably because they were taken off guard and had no idea he was talking to them. As they all took their seats, he said, quite loudly and to no one in particular "I'm going to court today!" That made me really look at him, mostly to see if I knew him from my job (I was a lawyer). Again, no one responded.

He rode quietly for a moment and then stood up and walked over to stand in the front of the bus next to the driver. "Hey!" he said suddenly, pointing to the fare machine, "Is that custom?"

The driver, somewhat startled, said "Uh, yeah, I guess."

The odd man then pointed at the dashboard. "What about this stuff? Is this all custom?"

I could sense that the driver was getting a little freaked out. "I guess," he said shortly. "You gotta stand behind the yellow line."

The odd man pointed at a newspaper that the driver had laid on top of the dashboard. "You reading that?"

Driver: "No. You gotta stand behind the yellow line, sir."

The odd man, showing no signs of moving, said "Can I have it?" The driver handed it to him and said "Now stand behind the yellow line or I have to stop the bus." The odd man took the paper and sat down across from me again. At this point, I was watching him like a hawk. One part of my job at the time was obtaining guardianships for incompetents, so I had a great deal of experience with the mentally ill. Patients like this man, who have no impulse control in public, occasionally act out without warning. I started thinking that his court date was probably for disturbing the peace.

As I'm thinking all of this, the man opened his paper with a snap and appeared to read it. For all of about 15 seconds. "FUCK this shit!" he yelled suddenly. I actually jumped in my seat, it was so sudden. "I'm not reading this crap." He threw the paper down on the seat next to him. I noticed that everyone in the surrounding seats was now giving him their full attention, because all conversation in the bus suddenly stopped.

At that point, we rolled up to the T station. Since he was in the front, he got off the bus first. I purposely stayed on the bus for a few minutes and was one of the last to get off, because I didn't want to risk walking near him. When I got to the T, I looked over the whole car before getting on to make sure he wasn't there. I didn't see him, so I sat down and read my paper.

A few minutes into the trip, an announcement came over the speaker from the driver "Can I help you, sir?" I looked up and, sure enough, the odd man was standing next to the door to the front of the T, repeatedly pressing the emergency assistance button.

"No! I'm good!" he said cheerfully. He continued to press the button.

"Sir, can you please stop pressing the button," came the announcement from the front of the train. Just then, the train came to its first stop, and the man got out. A few people laughed nervously and the train continued onward.

To this day, I have a running joke with my mom and a few friends, where we say "Is this custom?" or "No, I'm good!"

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