Return of the Jedi

Ever since Jedi died a few weeks ago, life has been pretty miserable for all of us. First, there's sharing the CR-V. Jim will not take the bus that stops at the end of our street, for reasons unknown to me. As I like to point out every chance I get, I was riding that bus when I was 9 months pregnant in the summer and I survived. As a result, I have to get the kids together and drive him to the subway every morning, and then repeat the trip in the evening to bring him home. It's annoying, and not just to me -- just a few days ago, Lily said "I liked it better when Papa came home by himself." Me too, sweetie, me too.

Second, we have been Shopping For Cars. I capitalize the phrase because Jim's involvement in the Shopping makes it a major event. For those who are interested, this is how he does it. Step 1: he tells me he wants a Cooper Mini. I say "If that's what you want, then get that one. Just keep in mind our budget and don't go crazy."

Step 2: he spends a week exhaustively researching every car known to man, including the Mini. Each night he explains to me why it would make more sense for him to get a Mini. Each night I tell him to get one, keeping in mind our budget. The nightly conversation always involves me having to look at a bunch of car websites so I can read statistics and reviews. Ugh.

Step 3: he narrows his choice down to three cars: the Mini, the Fit and the xD. He spends a week exhaustively re-researching those three cars, discussing why a Mini is the best choice and forcing me to look at more websites. I tell him to get the Mini. There might be a few tears of frustration in my eyes.

Step 4: he makes plans to visit three dealerships and insists that I come with him, which means we have to bring the kids. Our visits do not go well, and only one dealership actually has a car he can test drive. I am left to entertain two sweaty, whining, tired children in a dealership showroom while Jim inspects cars and goes on air-conditioned test drives. Have you ever been in a dealership showroom? It has cars and desks. The kids tired of looking at them in about 12 seconds. I practically beg him to buy any car we see that falls within our budget just to avoid making this trip again. Ever.

Step 5: after agonizing all evening and consulting with friends (who of course tell him he should get whatever he wants) he decides he is getting the Mini, thus requiring us to make a fourth visit to a dealership in Boston. We arrive to learn that they have pulled a bait and switch on us. "Oh, those three cars that were available right before we closed last night? Wow, I guess they sold out right after you called, but we do have this incredibly expensive, fully loaded alternatives right here!" Ha ha ha, so amusing. As a result, we have to haul the kids back to one of the first three dealerships we visited to reconsider some of the options there.

Step 6: Jim sits back and looks smug as I plead with him to spend as much as he wants on one of the available cars as long as we don't have to take the kids to any more dealerships.

Step 7: Jim purchases a car that costs $5,000 more than the outside limit of what we originally agreed to spend. He gets a British Racing Green Mini, fully loaded with a sports package (leather seats, chrome exhaust tips, fancy tires), a sound system upgrade and a "heating/cooling" package which apparently includes automatic air conditioning, heated seats and heated side-view mirrors (God forbid he should have to actually knock snow off the car). It has white racing stripes that I find hideous, but he seems to love them. The inside looks like the cockpit of a small private jet.

I'm calling it his mid-life crisis car. Lily calls it Jedi because it's green like the Jetta. Jack doesn't have an opinion so far. Jim is off to brag about his sports car to his friends. He's so excited, he's like a little kid on Christmas Eve.

I hope I get to drive it sometime....